This weekend was pivotal for me. If I got my miles in, then I think I could have stuck with it. But alas, I didn't. I have used every excuse under the sun to talk myself out of these runs so I got to thinking, "Is this something I actually WANT to do?" Yes I know, we've all been through these moments when it comes to running and I've read so many success stories of people just pushing through. I feel that this is deeper than that. I'm not nervous excited about the race, I'm dreading it. Is that how it's supposed to be?
I hate the idea of quitting and throwing away my registration fee, but there isn't an ounce of desire left. Here are some of
- It's winter which means its cold. I do NOT want to get up at 6am to run in 30 degree weather. That is torture to me.
- The thought of spending 3 + hours running on the weekends when they are getting so jam packed with the holidays is an incredible time commitment I guess I'm not ready for
- I prefer running after work and with my hour plus commute home, it's dark by the time I get home.
- No one is running the race with me in Disney nor do I know anyone training for a marathon who would do long runs with me. Which makes a long run alone an even more daunting task
I think I have decided that I need to train for a marathon that maybe takes place in the fall so I'm not stuck training in the winter. I am not giving up this dream of someday running a marathon. I just don't think this year was my year.
Sorry for the Debbie Downer post, but I wanted to be honest and do my best in justifying my decision. I'm still a little disappointed in myself and this decision, but all in all I think it's the right one for me. I will continue to run on my treadmill short distances to stay in shape, but as for long distances, I'm taking a break.
I can't thank everyone enough for their support in my training up till now and I hope to have your support in the future when I can put my whole heart into a marathon.